What a Wonderful Life!!

I have been missing in action!!!

I am so in love with my baby! She is such a joy and a blessing.  So much has happened.  Baby K is crawling, has 2 teeth, had a dedication, crawled up the stairs (yes I was scared), had her first cold and ear infection, and so on.  

And through every milestone, I say THANK YOU God for such a precious and Happy little baby.  Motherhood is great, but also hard.  I have my moments but for the most part I would not change anything.  I do wish I had more help with her, but hey I will make it through.  

I can't even begin to describe how much I love being a Mom.  I wish I had more time to post, but with working, being mommy, and trying to have a small social life it is very hard.  I also miss reading updates on my fellow Choice Moms.  I Pray for them all often.  I know doing this alone is rough some days, so I send up prayers for those who are in the same position.  

Until next time... I think I hear someone waking from her nap (she does not sleep long)...

Here is an update on my little baby girl!

Baby K and her Nanny (what we call my Mom) at her Dedication

You see my little teeth!!!

I think I am a big girl!!!

SOOO Happy!

Nothing stays the same!

It is always amazing to me how the only thing in life that is constant is CHANGE!

My life had made some significant changes since having Baby K, some good but some are sad. All the good are associated with my blessing in the form of a precious little girl!  I do not know how my life functioned before her.  I cannot even imagine life any other way now.  I am so in love!  Watching her explore the world and learning something new daily, it just makes my smile.  I so enjoy being her mom and taking care of her.  Nothing has EVER fulfilled me in this way.

One of the sad events is one of my biggest supporters and I are no longer "dating". It has been sad for me, because I got so used to having him be apart of my life. He was there from day 1 of my process and throughout my entire pregnancy. Thank God for Baby K because she keeps my mind and heart occupied enough so that the change has not made me totally numb.  I must admit it does hurt.  We were in each others life for the last 3 years. With my birthday coming up, it is a bit somber because we usually celebrate together.  Not sure that will happen this year.  One thing I have learned from being a single mom is you need people, so when one is not there it is devastating. I have always been such a independent person, but Baby K has enabled me to lean on others.  Which has been very hard for me, but such a requirement.  So not having him there has been an adjustment, if not just that I know I can count on him.  I don't feel I can any more. We are still friends, but I do not feel he puts forth the effort he used to to be there for me. Even just as a listening ear, I feel he doesn't care as much, Becca's he is consumed with the new things he has added to his life.  I have always been able to balance my life and still be there for everyone, so when I feel I do not have that I resent it. I know I shouldn't or can't expect people to be like me, but damn it I am human with feelings and expectation (whether they are realistic or not).  I give and love hard, and sometimes I want others to do the same for me.  But for him I think he allows outside influences to change how he interacts with me and Baby K, and that pisses me off.  Because I never did that, and there was always someone trying to butt into our friendship.  

Oh well, this too shall pass; I can't keep sulking about it but I am hurt and disappointed. I am praying that God is continuing to prepare my Mr. Right for me. But some days I feel like it will just be me and Baby K :-/. Like I said nothing stays the same, so let me fasten my seat belt so I can be ready for the next ride my life is about to take. I am praying it is a good one!!!!

One Year Ago!!!

I just realized one year ago today I had my first and only IUI.  And today I am blessed with the most beautiful little girl.  I am so grateful and humble to have had God's love shine on me in such a awesome way.  It is amazing one year can bring so many ups and downs.

Every day is a new day and some are better than others, however, on this day in 2011 I made a choice that has been one of the best decisions of my life.  I am so glad that I was strong enough to take the leap of faith because nothing can compare the the blessing I have in Kendall Marie!

The love in her eyes when she sees me, is nothing I thought I would ever experience.  Like the Stephanie Mills song says "I never knew love like this before, now I'm lonely never more... Since you came into my life"...

Wow, what a difference a year makes! So happy for this day!



So Happy all the time!



My Blessing!!!

A Round of Applause!!!

I want to give a round of applause to all my Choice Mom and all Moms out there!!!!

Happy Mother's Day.  As I reflect on my very first mother's day, I am filled with joy.  I was strong enough to make the decision to become Kendall's mom on my own terms.  I am very proud of myself and proud of all the other Choice Moms out there. 

Being raised by a single mom, I know the job was hard, but never understood the magnitude until I became a Single Mom.   Not a day goes by that I do not thank God for giving me such a wonderful blessing, but it is very hard work doing it alone.  I would not change my decision for anything, but I am human and some days I look around and wish there was someone around to help me.  I have to do everything.  Not sure a lot of people get that, we do it ALL.  And it makes me very proud to be apart of a community of such strong women. 

I cannot sit here and say I do not wish I had a husband who could make sure today was special, because that would be a lie.  I do wish I had that.  But that is not my story, so I keep on persevering. Thanks to two of my great friends DM and TW, my Mother's day was all I needed it to be; Great. They both showed me a lot of love and made sure I felt special.  So for that I am truly thankful to have friends who love me and Kendall so much. 

So to all the other Moms out there Happy Mother's Day and if no one told you today; I am very proud of the Mother you are and your children are fortunate to have you.  Take Care, enjoy no matter the situation and love those who love you!

To KC: Because of you, I can celebrate today and I thank you.  I dreamed of this day for a very long time. This is the first of many mother's days we will share together and I will always be honored and proud to be your Mom and call you my daughter! Love you!

Happy Mother's Day, Love Kendall

Our Mother's Day Self Portrait :-)

Introducing Kendall Marie... 2 months late :-/

I cannot believe I have been away for over 2 months.  Life has been completely different.  I have been putting all my attention on my precious angel.  Well I have so missed all my fellow blog moms and reading about the changes in their lives and their bundles of joy.  I am going to try to and do better at blogging.  I am just trying to enjoy every minute of my little angel before I go back to work at the end of the month.

Well I would like to officially introduce my daughter Kendall Marie.  She was born as scheduled on February 17, 2012 @ 10:51 am via c-section. She was a little one 5lbs 10 ozs and 19 inches long.  My delivery was smooth, I unexpectedly calm.  Everyone treated me sooooo well in the hospital.  I had a great stay.  I had to stay 2 extra days in the hospital because after giving birth my blood pressure was out of control. I cried when it was time to leave the hospital.  I had so much anxiety that it was all on me now, no more nurses and doctors to check our vitals and make sure we were alright.  It was all on me.. OMG.. I was freaking out.  I felt so inadequate and unprepared.  But did very well.  I also felt that same anxiety the first night Kendall and I was alone. But again we made it. :-) 

Just arrived

Few hours and I am sleeping so peacefully

Our first days were rough, but I still was extremely happy to be Kendall's Mom.  I did have some days were I felt soooo lonely and wondered had I made the wrong choice; by choosing to have her alone.  But then I would look into her eyes or watch her sleep and know that she was the best decision I had ever made. Every day is an adventure with many highs and lows.  But all in all I am truly blessed to have such a precious healthy baby.  Baby K is such a animated baby, she has so many faces and expressions and it just warms my heart.  As a new mom it has been a true transition and I am learning how to adjust everyday. I never thought I would deal with depression, but like most women I had many days where I was depressed and weepy.  Those first 3 weeks were HARD, and I questioned if I could make it through.  I was also very disappointed that all the people I thought would be there more were not, and the people I didn't expect to be there were.  It was very hard for me to know that the people I wanted there were not present, but again I made it through and work on that feeling of abandonment everyday.  I know there is a lesson to be learned in all we experience, so I am accepting the lesson and learning from it. 

Breastfeeding made me feel so close to her, but it made it hard because she was up like every hour wanting to nurse. But hey we made it through and it made me stronger.  I was not able to breastfeed as long as I desired because I was not producing enough milk, I stuck it out for 7 weeks.She is not on formula (which was hell trying to find one that agreed with her) and sleeping through the night.  I have so much anxiety that one day she is going to change on me and not sleep through the night anymore. I know I need to just relax and be secure in the job I am doing, but I am so nervous that she is one day going to go back to being up all night.  So far she has slept through the night consistently for 2 + weeks.  The day of her 2 months I started with a nighttime routine (after push from the doctor) and put her in her crib.  She was sleeping in her bassinet in my room. I was so afraid that she would need me and I would be so far away.  But to my surprise she sleeps perfectly fine in her crib and sleeps all night long.  I was so shocked at how "easy" it was to get over it.  But I did and I think we are both better for it.  I have learned so much about motherhood that is is not funny.  I love sharing my experiences with friends who have new babies.  I feel like Kendall came to teach me something and so I can help others. 

She is such a happy baby talks/coos all day long, BUT she does NOT play when it is time to eat or go to sleep.  She makes it know what she wants.  She LOVES to eat and she was so small that it shocked me but she loves her milk :-). The doctor encouraged me to feed her less because she was gaining weight to fast (which I felt was a little crazy being she was so small) but then figured I guess they know better than me. So I listened, it has been hard because she wants more, but i am sticking with it. 

I pray everyday that my little baby stays healthy and happy.  She brings my family so much joy!

Here are a few pics from Kendall's first months:

In the hospital

So relaxed!!!

Tummy Time

Mommy that was funny!

Hey Good Looking!

Awwww

Me and my Angel!

What you say?!?!

That Taste good!

FUNNY!!!

Kendall and my niece.. We all love her!!!

To Kendall: Words cannot describe how much you mean to me... You are my joy. Every day will not be easy for us, but it will be worth while.  There is a lesson to be learned by all experiences and I pray that you embrace them all. As I have learned after having you those closest to you will sometimes disappoint you, but love them anyway. It all makes you stronger. I am so happy to have you in my life and look forward to the journey together! You can always count on me no matter what, just know that Mommy is there for you.   Even when we do not agree and you make a mistake, I am here to help you understand the ways of the world. Welcome to the world and here's to a LONG life!

Getting Nervous and Happy Valentine's Day!!

As my big day get closer, I am starting to get nervous!!!

I know God is going to watch over me and Baby K, but when the doctor goes over all the "what if's and could be's" it has gotten to me.  I am sure nerves are apart of all this, but I was cool at one point.  I am trying not to get too worked up,  because I know that will not help at all.

Even through the nerves I am still very excited to see my little girls face and hear her cries.  I wonder every day what I am going to do when I hear that precious cry. I am so giddy!

Still working to get the house in tip top shape and doing all the things I do not want to have to think about later, so I have been busy on my swollen (sausage looking) feet.. LOL. The joys of motherhood. 

Well 2 ish days to go and I can see my Princess!

To  Baby K:  We will meet on Friday and you cannot believe how excited me and your family are to see you.  I know I have said this so many times in these blogs, but you are so loved! Everyone is having their own personal countdowns waiting on your arrival. Today is Valentine's Day, remember to give the love that you receive and sometimes the love you think you should be receiving, it may sometimes get hard but it will surely pay off!  A lot of times life will not be fair, but never let that change who you are and what you are to those whom you love.  No one is perfect, so even those whom say they love you the most may hurt your feelings, but speak up but do not hold a grudge.  Love freely!

She is coming!!!

Life has been interesting and fun all at the same time. 

I  had the very best baby shower ever! I also had a surprise one at work! I have felt so much love for me and Baby K. Everyone has been so supportive. My baby shower was awesome, of course there is always one that causes drama and has to be the center of attention.  But even through that I was still super happy, giddy and emotional the entire day!

I have started the swelling really bad in my feet when I am working too hard. The body has a way of telling you to slow down. I am still going to the doc twice a week, which is not too bad.  I enjoy the fact that I get to hear her heart beating so often.  We did have one scare, she was not very responsive one day and I had to have some additional testing.  Me and my family were really nervous, but she was a'ok.  I have had a few braxton hicks contractions, but nothing too bad.  I think all the excitement of family and friends sent my body through a tail spin.

I had a growth ultrasound on the 3rd and she is still growing nicely.  She is measuring 6lbs 2ozs.  I am so happy she is healthy.  I hope I am not the only mom to be, that even at 38 weeks still worries that she will be alright. I still have minimal fears that something could happen to her.  I feel so bad for thinking it, because this has been such a blessed pregnancy.  So I ask for forgiveness and try to shake off the bad feelings.

Soooooo turns out I have to have a c-section. My cervix is really high.  I knew that because my insemination was very painful and took a long time because they had to get to my very high cervix. I never thought it would effect labor and delivery.  Well the cervix is high and the pelvic is small. And will make the descending process hard.  So, I am having a c-section on Friday, Feb 17th.  I am very excited and surprisingly not nervous, YET! I have never been hospitalized so I have no idea what to expect with IV, the stay, and such.  I am excited to know she is coming.  I can't  wait to meet her and see her face!

I stopped working  yesterday, which was a little bittersweet.  I am actually going to miss those folks :-). But I am glad to have the next week to mentally and physically prepare as much as possible to "officially" be a Mommy! This is my last weekend as a non parent, very surreal feeling.  But I am so ready for my little girl.  I am very scared of how well I will do with her and if she is a cranky baby. I know I will have a lot of support, but she is my responsibility and that is very surreal. Bottom line.... Ready or not here she comes!!! Stay tuned and please send up prayers for a safe delivery!  Thank you all!

Nursery and Belly!

Ok.. This is for you Shannon :-)

Some Pics of the nursery and me, Baby K, and Chico!



Chico loves laying in the floor in here.. LOL



WOWWWW... my belly is HUGE!

Getting CLOSER! 34 Weeks!

I have been completely missing in action.  I am so enjoying my pregnancy, and keeping busy getting ready for my little girl.  I find it hard to do much of anything else, besides work, sleep, nursery, and enjoying my last few weeks of pregnancy. I have been busy, touring hospital, picking pediatrician, and at the doc twice a week.  So not much time for much else.

I love going in her nursery, it is not completely done, but it makes my heart warm when I walk in there. I took maternity pictures yesterday and they were so nice.  I cried like a baby when I looked over them all.  I am so grateful to be in this position that it is overwhelming.

I am starting to get very nervous about labor and delivery. I have no idea what to expect for me.  I have never had an IV, never stayed in the hospital, none of that. So all the unknowns have me going a little stir crazy.  Everyone says do not worry, but they are not the one that has to get this baby out... LOL. I know this is probably crazy, but I think I want a c-section.  I know it is surgery, but I have to be induced anyway, so what live through patocin if I don't have to. I am being induced a week early, don't know the date yet, because of my history of hypertension. Although my blood pressure has been fabulous this entire pregnancy.  I think because of my weight issues and history of high blood pressure, everyone thought i would have a hard pregnancy, but it has been seamless.  No issues thus far and I am almost there.  I know anything can happen at this point, but I am so happy with how things have been.

My little girl is so active, I have to go to the doctor twice a week for fetal non-stress test and she is always moving all around like she knows they need to hear her heart.  Her movements make me smile, so I have no problem with it, however, it took 2 nurses to get her heartbeat the first time I went :-). Man I am so in love with this baby girl. 

My baby shower is on the 28th and I am very happy I get to see everyone.  But it has been one big deal to get everything together.  Even though I am not "planning" I am involved and I will be glad when it is over.

I do miss blogging, but I tell you my life right now is so full it falls to the bottom.  Please forgive me. I am so happy for the others, who blogs I follow, that are having their little ones soon.  I wish them many blessings and well wishes of a smooth delivery.

I have a friend MW, I mentioned last time I posted, well she is taking the plunge for real. I am completely excited for her.  She so deserves this happiness.  She has selected her donor and is about to get into full swing.  We used the same sperm bank, so she said we are "sperm bank sisters".  How cute is that?

I tell you once you take life by the horns it can surely be an awesome adventure.  And I am loving every minute of it!!!

It Really Can Be OKAY!!

Within the last month I have had some ups and downs, but all in all it has been truly blessed! Things can really be OKAY, which does amaze me some days. But so happy it is all okay.

I had to repeat my gestational diabetes test, it was slightly elevated so I was scared. Only by 8 points, but the doctors wanted to be sure everything was ok.  I had to do the 3 hour test glucose test and it all came back perfect!!! Thank you Jesus! I started to think, Man it can't all be perfect, but I guess it can be close.  I must admit this pregnancy had been as smooth as I think pregnancy can be. WHEW!!!!

I just got back from my last Vacay before my little one is born and had a great time.  I wanted to get away from reality for a few days, because I know once K comes she is going to need all my time and traveling will be scarce.  Me and CD went to Tampa and had a blast. So glad he is in my life to help me through and be there when I need him.  My family and friends are absolutely amazing! They leave me in awe on most days.  Over the Thanksgiving holiday, my extended family seems so genuinely happy for me and just so excited to see that I am finally about to be a mommy.

I am growing more and more every day.  I have notice a lot of physical changes, but embracing them all. And if I don't say so myself, I think I still look pretty dag on good ;-). 

I had a growth scan today and my little lady is right on target.  She measured at 2 pounds 12 ounces, which is in the 42 percentile.  So she is not too big or too small, but just right! That's mommy's little girl! She is very active in my belly which keeps me smiling. The ultrasound tech was trying to get some 3D shots for me and this little Diva put her hand in her face, like she was not quite ready to be photographed. LOL.. The tech said, Hey she said Mom I need a few more weeks to get more prettied up. We cracked up laughing. Life with my little baby has been so rewarding, I can't wait to see her little precious face.

I started purchasing things for her nursery and can't wait to see it come together. Crib, dressing table, wall decor all purchased.  Still need paint and other decor. I have been so overwhelmed with my pregnancy that I am so behind on other things. I have done no Christmas shopping, no blogging, and house work. I need to get rid of some things but i keep putting it off. Then not to mentions, I have been busy with work and Christmas parties.  I am going to be partied out when it is all over.

Well at the end of the day, Life is great and me and my little lady are healthy!!!!! YEAH!!!!

I pray all is well for all my other Pregnant Choice moms and those trying! Keep on believing!!!  I have a friend who will start her process to motherhood this month, so I am also sending love and blessings her way!  Way to go MW, so proud of you girl!!!

M.I.A....

I know.. I know.. I has been almost a month since I have blogged.. SHAME on me. But I have been so overwhelmed with the joys of pregnancy days seems to go by faster. 23w5d...

Well my little lady is moving quite a bit and I just love the feeling.  I remember the first time I felt her move, kind of startled me,  because I didn't expect to feel her so soon.  But she made sure I knew it was here.  My niece was home from college, so I called her. She was delighted as well.. :-)

I think my little girl likes music.  Whenever I am listening to music loud she moves all about, and has a good ole time. Or not.. LOL.. she could be saying Mommy, I care not listen to that.  I am going to go with she likes it.  Her mom likes music, so she has to get used to it being around all the time.

I have started talking to her, my family does too.  It is so special!  Everyone loves this little girl to pieces and they have not even seen her little precious face yet.  The love she is being shown is unbelievable some days and it really warms my heart.

This past weekend, me, my Mom, Sister and niece did my registries. Super exciting... BUT I did have a bit of anxiety.  No other to put down, no co-parent.  Made me a little sad, I didn't mention it or let it seem like it bothered me, but it did a little.  I guess these are the things I have to get used to.  My daughter will only have one parent.  It does seem as if these companies are making it a little less stressful for Choice Moms.  When registering they do not make you feel like Father is required. So that helped,  but I have always dreamed to be able to register a mother and a father for my child.  Oh well, such is life! Most days I am just as content with no Daddy. But then it does hit me randomly, WHY does my daughter have to not have a father.  Why did her Mom's life turn this way.  She is so special to me already, that I just want the best for her and I have always thought Mom and Dad was what was best.  I guess I have to show her and the world that Mom and extended family is enough!  Not going to say it doesn't make me long for a committed relationship with a man, because it does.  I just keep remembering this is God's plan for me and my babies life! And thank HIM for it!

My pregnancy has been truly amazing.  Never did have morning sickness, how awesome is that :-). She has been such a good girl.  I go in 2 weeks for my glucose test... What fun.. LOL Praying for the very best outcome!!! Well I am going to try to do much better with this!!!

To my Little Girl: HEY I can stop saying future child.. I know it is a girl :-).  You have been such a blessing to me already.  I am already learning so much about myself, just having you here with me every day. I know our lives is not may not be like the you make friends and we do not have Daddy at home.  But like I will tell you every day, you are special, different, unique.  So, while there may be days you wish you were like everyone else, thank God that you have the loving family you have been blessed with.  And there may be no biologically Dad around.  You have so many more people to love you. Your uncle, your aunts, your cousins, your Nanny, me and most important Jesus! When you do not feel I understand God will never leave nor forsake you. NEVER.. So know you are never alone! Love you to pieces!!!

She is still a She!!!

I had an appointment yesterday to recheck my little girls heart and spine. Which are both great :-).  Well while I was there, I said can you make sure she is still a girl.. LOL.. I know crazy right.  The technician died laughing at me.  They already think I a part time comedienne.  Well hey before I go Pink and purple crazy I wanted to be extra sure!

The appointment was fast and no issues.. YEAH!!!

I went on my first baby window shop over the weekend, WOW all the things they have. I mean I have helped raise my nieces and nephews but there are so many new gadgets. It was fun, but a tab bit overwhelming as well. But going to take it one day at a time.

My sister is about to drive me absolutely crazy, she is so happy about this little girl that she is becoming a pain in my A**.. LOL.. I love her for loving me and my baby so much but Lord knows I want to strangle her sometimes.  I love having all the support, but I feel it is going to be a bit overwhelming as time passes. This child is going to have 1 too many mommies an that is going to irritate me. The help will be great, but all the advice after awhile can become a bit frustrating.  I am going to take it in stride for now and just put them in check when I need to.  I am so grateful they are happy, but the need to let me also have the joy of being pregnant and being a Mommy.  Like my sister was fussing because I bought the baby some bibs. REALLY bibs.. Give me a break, I know I have a lot of friends and family, but they are NOT going to buy me everything i need. Nor do I expect them too. I have not been shopping and buying a bunch of things, so leave me alone if I want to buy some dag on bibs, for crying out loud! Gotta love family! They have been a blessing, but man have they also been over the TOP!

I  have started looking in to themes for the nursery. OMG there is so much out there, almost too much! Well it will all come together and my Little Princess will have a fabulous room, that she probably will spend very little time in.. LOL but oh well Mommy wants one.

IT'S A.......

Drum roll please!!!!!

IT'S A GIRL AND SHE IS HEALTHY!!!!

How can one person be so blessed!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Had my Level 2 Ultrasound yesterday and it was amazing. The nurse that performed my ultrasound was awesome, she explained everything.  Every little part of my babies body and how it was functioning. She was so laid back and care free, she let me entire family come in the room, it was 6 of them total :-). Yes we come as a big crowd! I have opted not to have an amnio. All the testing via ultrasounds and blood testing is good for me. My chances for my baby having downs syndrome had dropped dramatically, almost down to the rate of a 20 year old. So I am OK, and to be quite honest, no matter what I am keeping my baby, so I do not want to put her life at any risk with the amnio.

The doctor says my baby is perfectly healthy. I asked could I stop worrying now, the nurse said you should have been stopped worrying. I know this is so bad, but I still think of all the bad that could happen. I have been so blessed through this whole process, and every day I ask God to forgive me for my bad thoughts. But you hear all the horror stories and I just can't help but wonder. I tell myself take it one day at a time, and not worry. I am so amazed at how blessed and seamless this pregnancy has been and sometimes cannot believe this is all happening to me.  I was taught to never question God and his wonders, but man I am so grateful that He chose me to bless do abundantly! All I can say is THANK YOU!

I will keep on saying Thank You, even through the good and the bad because this feeling today and yesterday is AMAZING!

I already love this little girl so much, I am afraid of how spoiled she is going to be with all the love and support my family and friends have been showing me. Oh well, I will deal with that too! I guess I can start thinking about nursery and such, how exciting!  Boy oh boy, how awesome this has been!!!

God Bless America... 9/11/01

As I sit here this morning, watching all the coverage of the TERRIBLE events of 9/11/01 it saddens me like this act of terrible violence happened yesterday.  I am originally from NY and went to college in MD, so the trauma was felt very close to home. But no matter how close or far you were on that day, your life was touch and will probably never forget how you felt at those moments.

I was driving to work when I got a call that there was a plane crash in NY, I was in shock like Man how does that happen. But it came to me really fast that this was no accident! I was devastated, hurt and angry. I could not believe this was happened. Twin Towers, Pentagon and an open field in PA.  I was horrified and still to this day remain horrified.

As i sit here thinking about the evil people who made this decision to attack America, I think of the life growing inside of me. I already love this child so much and i want nothing more to protect him or her from all pain and sorrow, but I know I cannot.  I pray everyday that he or she will not have to face the tragedy we felt in our lifetime but with such evilness around us you never know.

To all those who have lost someone on 9/11 and/or in the war against terriorism may God bring you peace and comfort. To those who are no longer with us, may your souls forever rest in Peace!  God Bless America!!!

To my Future Child: As your mom and on earth protector (Jesus and God are your ultimate protectors) I want to always bring you joy and peace of mind. However, I will warn you that life will get hard and there will be bad people around that will  make that peace very hard.  I will teach you all about 9/11 and the legacy that day leaves behind. So if you ever have to face such tragedy, you will know how to always handle with compassion, dignity, and respect! Those attributes will take you a long way in life. Always remember your neighbor in need and help them...

Announcing it!!!

So I have sent out announcements to my family and started to be more free about my new joy! Pregnancy! It is amazing the reactions I am getting.  All positive, I guess it is because they are probably thinking well it just about time. LOL

I made a side comment on Twitter the other day, and a couple of people caught on, which was cute. I am so proud to say "yes I am pregnant".  To my surprise, the people who I thought would question "who the father is" have not. Some people don't ask at all. It could be becuase I have a special freind, whom is always around and they may be assuming he is the father. 

I know some of my fellow bloggers have been super sick during their pregnancies, SOOO sorry ladies!!! I can honestly say this has been so smooth. I pray labor and delivery is the same (such luck.. lol). I do tire really quick, but that is nothing compared to some of my fellow prego ladies.  Hang in there ladies, it will pass.

My family is in full swing planning a baby shower, yes already! They are so in love with the fact that I am having a baby, it just makes me so happy inside and out.  I think I am starting to look pregnant, some people say yes,  but most people say no. I did tell my boss and he was happy for me. Still debating how to tell my employees, they are a funny group of people. So I will probably do it all at once, so no one feel left out. 

In a nutshell, I am EXCITED and completely OVERJOYED with being pregnant and my CHOICE! Thank God for Choices!

Gotta a Buddy!!!

I found out about a week or so ago that one of my friends is also pregnant. I am completely overjoyed to have someone near to swap stories with that will actually understand the pain, queasiness, and sleepiness of pregnancy.

I am so happy for her :-)..  She is deserving of motherhood!!! I am praying for her healthy pregnancy and baby!

We have started taking brief walks which helps me a lot. It is hard getting started but once I get going I am a-ok. Pregnancy has been good to me, no real sickness. It is seldom and not to severe when I get nausea, so I am feeling really blessed. That is not to say that my emotions are not haywire and I can't go through a full day without feeling like a need a pillow and bed.

I am really excited about my next few appointments, I get to hear the heartbeat at one and then will most likely find out the sex on the next. All in September!!! YEAH!!!

Can't wait!!!

How Amazing!

Life has been great and my baby is great as well. As promised, I am attaching the ultrasound from my last post (I know I am a little late):



Aww, cute little teddy bear!

 Since I am 35, I am considered high risk so I have been sent to a high risk doctor  that checks for genetic disorders. Some people may feel this is an inconvenience, but I do not. I feel blessed to be able to see my baby so often. Everyone has been so nice, they explained everything we went through my entire family history. But it did feel VERY weird not to be able to go into great detail about the other half of my baby. However, I took it in stride and they were very understanding and supportive.

My sister that lives in Baltimore happened to be in town so she was able to attend the appointment with me, which was very nice. My mom also came. It was a great visit. My baby looked great, they took a lot of measurements and there were no signs of trouble. They also took blood, so that will tell a little further if anything is going on. OMG my baby put on a reallll show. She was flipping over, turning her back to us, and turning toward us. Me, my mom and sister were all in tears looking at how active she was being. I was saying, that is "MY BABY", wow still sooo amazing! I was very shocked at how much she was moving around, like we were bothering her.. LOL.

I have 2 appointments in September one with my OB and another with the high risk doctor. At the high risk doctor I will have a level 2 ultrasound were I will be able to find out the sex. I am so amazed at how fast things are moving, but so overwhelmed with joy!  My brother wants to hear the heartbeat so he said he is going to come in town for my 1st appt in Sept. I am probably going to be crying again.. LOL So emotional.

I really have to admit, I am still afraid something may happen. As much as I have seen and as healthy as the doctors say my baby is, I am still completely frightened about miscarriage. I know I shouldn't be and i don't outwardly show it, but the thought is always there. I guess it is normal, I don't know.

I know I have not been as active on my blog, so please forgive me. But when I get home from work I want to rest. Been very tired. But I will try to do better! 



My baby waving at me!!!

 How amazing is that! God is good, just look at this baby growing!

To my Future Child: Always be sweet and caring to others. It will take you a long way in life!

Exhausted and Overjoyed!!!

I never thought I would love being pregnant so much. I have been completely exhausted on some days, but that is all so I will take it! No vomiting, very little nausea. I am feeling so blessed. However, I have been so tired a few days last week I had to work from home because I felt as if I was drugged and could not get out of bed. The joys of pregnancy, but I am loving every minute of it.

A lot of people have told me about the exhaustion, but wheww wee it is serious.

I am 10 weeks and 3 days today and I cannot believe how fast time is flying by. I had my very first appointment with my OB and it went absolutely fabulous.  Everyone at the office is so happy for me and it showed. Everything was positive. Because I am 35 they are taking extra special care of me, a few extra appointments, but I am ok with that too. More times to see my baby is a ok with me. They are also going to watch me closely for preclampsia, due to my horrible family history and my up and down battle with hypertension.  My pressure has been great, but again I am welcoming the extra care.

I got to see my baby today and I cannot believe what I saw. She actually looked like a baby and was moving around in there. (Sidenote: wishful thinking on the baby girl) But stopped abruptly as if she was shy and didn't want us to see her boogying in there.. LOL.. I was so overwhelmed with joy. I could not believe how much she has grown.  She is healthy and the doctor was very happy with our progress. She had a strong heartbeat. This is so amazing.

My mom went with me, and the joy on her face was priceless. She cried and cried. And since I am a sucker for seeing my mom cry I was crying too. My tears were also joy, but also feeling so blessed to be able to share with my mom who will be 70 this year. She is still kicking strong and plans to be very active in my baby's life.  I cannot believe how much this baby is loved already, but I do have some very loving people around me.

On the work front they still do not know, and since I just got promoted and I feel like things are about to be shifted around; my HR partner advised me to wait a few more weeks to make my announcement. Not that she feels there will be any ill feelings or actions, but just to see the directions so I can make a decision on what will be the least amount of stress on me during my pregnancy.  I am a little disappointed because I was asked did I want to interview for this prestigious role under my VP, but probably is not a good idea now, since he will require a lot of time and attention from me. I know I will have a lot of appointments, and I never want to give half of my expertise, so it may not be a good idea. It is funny how us women have so many choices to makes when we are in corporate America. Men do not have to deal with this and family matters never seem to come into play. Bottom line is this baby means the world to me and I am ok with passing up this opportunity. One thing I am a strong believer of, if something is for me it will be. I feel that way about this position, if it is for me it will be. Whether before or after the baby is born. I would not trade my current situation for the world, carrying this life is such an honor and a blessing!

I will have to share the picture of my little teddy bear once I scan it, she is sooo cute :-) Got a big ole head, that means lots of brains ;-). What a great day!!!! Thank you Lord!

Vacation, Birthday, and Appointments.. OH MY!!!

It has been a while since I have blogged. I have been on vacation, had another ultrasound, and a birthday since my last post.

I am 9 weeks and 2 days and enjoying being pregnant. I have not had any real sickness, I feel truly blessed. Only time I am every feeling sick is when I do not eat on time or eat enough. I do tire MUCH faster but I can handle that.

So I went to Hawaii for a week and had a very relaxing time. I literally did nothing attached to the computer except to pay bills. So that is one reason I have not blogged. I really enjoyed the time off. Away from work and the real world.  The only down fall was the plane ride and the fact that I wasn't really up for doing too much. But still had a great time. I tried to not complain but some days I felt down (physically) but kept on trying to move. All is all Hawaii was great and so glad I got away.

I came home to have 2 doc appointments on Wednesday and Thursday. My sister went with me to my appointment where I had another ultrasound and needless to say my sister was an hysterical crying mess. LOL. She was may more emotional than me. She was so happy to see my little one, I was too but she cried and cried. I do feel so very loved by my family and friends they are showing me so much support it is unreal some days. Thursdays appt was at my OB office with the OB coordinator. Very informative appointment. They told me all I should expect. Since I am 35 I have to go to 2 special appointments to specialist to check out my baby. Looking forward to seeing her (yes I said her.. wishful thinking) as much as I can. I do plan to have some genetic testing and such. I want to know as much as possible so I can be as prepared as I can.

Friday comes and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! I turned 35, I am pregnant, I got a promotion at work when I came back from vacay, and I am completely overjoyed with my life right now. I tell you God has truly given me some great gifts this year and it is so overwhelming some days. But I am being thankful and taking it all in. Went and had a great massage and had a great dinner with CD on my birthday. And then came Saturday. CD along with the tremendous help of DM gave me a surprise Casino Birthday party! How awesome is that! I tell you I am SOO blessed. I have some really great friends and family. Some days I can't believe this is my life. CD has truly been a God send to my life. I am not sure if he knows how much his friendship and compassion means to me. This is a very tricky situation, but I think we both are handling it well. I never wanted to force my life on him and I think he respects that. But his friendship is invaluable to me.  Also my family and close friends have been so awesome as well. When I started this process I thought I would feel lonely as a single mom by choice, but I do not. And I am rejoicing in that feeling right now. When most women get pregnant they usually have a spouse or boyfriend who is just as excited as the expected mom about the new baby. But I can honestly say I have like 10 people.. LOL How great is that!!!

Time seems to be flying and I am enjoying my pregnancy. I got a letter today from my OB office about my financial obligations, which caught me a little off guard. I was not expecting it, I tell you these insurance policies and doctors offices are a piece of work. But I will not complain, I will deal because my financial obligations thus far have been minimal compared to other women going through this so sucking it up now.. :-).

I have 2 more weeks before I make my grand announcement and I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I did tell one of my friends and for the first time I got that silence that I have not gotten yet but have been expecting. She seemed very shocked and had lots of questions about how I am going to tell my child, etc. I handled it well, but no one else I told had that reaction, they were just happy, so it was good practice for what is to come.

To my Future Child: You have been such a good baby thus far in my belly. Not causing me any trouble :-). I think we are going to get along great, you understand me already. I will tell you, you are one lucky little baby. You have so many people who love you soooooo much already. You are going to be so overwhelmed with love that I do not even think you or I are going to be ready for all of it. Your Nanny, Aunties, Uncle, Future Godparents, Cousins, and play Aunts and Uncles are so overjoyed that you are coming. I can't wait for you too meet this rowdy bunch :-) they are a hoot and going to keep you laughing! There will be days you may be confused but you have all of us to pick up the piece, just lean on us and we will make sure you are alright! We have your back! Love you bunches already and you are only about an inch big :-D!

Releived!!!

How do you describe relief... seeing your baby's heart beat for the first time.

This morning I was a complete wreck as I prepared for my doc appt. As you have read I had bleeding on Sunday, and I was ok with that. I felt as the nurse who called me said, it happens to a lot of women and I should be ok. I have spoken to some friends and family whom have had children and most of them experienced bleeding, so I was good.  Well this morning, reality set in and I realized that I may not have a viable pregnancy.

My optimistic thoughts went right out of the window and I went straight into meltdown mode. I started not to tell anyone, because I did NOT want to hear, "Don't stress, don't be negative, Stop worrying, etc." I wanted someone to understand that this was a feeling of the moment and I would be ok eventually, whatever the reason. But of course I wanted support and I got the things I didn't want to hear. But one of my friends who has 2 little girls. She understood me, she made me feel I was not crazy or a negative Nelly, but a concerned Mom. THANK YOU TW, I appreciate that so much.

I love all my friends but when they are going through, I try to never make them feel their feelings are not valid. But sometimes I feel the expectation is so much higher for me. I am suppose to suck it up and never complain or think the worst.  Last I checked we all can think the worst, some more than others. Including me. I am a realist and usually I internalize the unknown and think of all the what ifs, negative and positive. It is amazing how when you have a negative thought, the million positive thoughts you had goes right out the window and are so easily forgotten.  I am probably guilty of also doing this, so if I have I apologize.

Ok enough of that, onto the blessing of the day. CD meet me at my appointment, which I appreciated. He got mistaken for my husband a few times, but took it in stride.  I try to correct people, because I don't want him to "feel some kind of way" about it. The doctor comes into the office and he was awesome, I told him about the previous bleeding, so he got right to it.  And there it was.. My Little Baby!!! OMG, did you read that.. MY BABY!!!!



Isn't She/He Lovely

 Heart was beating strong 115BPM, growing strong and healthy. I am measuring a little over my actual weeks, but the doctor said that was great. CD gave me the most endearing touch on my arm when everything was ok, and that really calmed me. Not sure he knows how special that was to me. I am overjoyed and feeling so blessed. 

My heart and prayers go out to my fellow choice moms  and all moms whom are trying to conceive and been facing challenges and lose. I felt so empty today, just thinking of the doctor turning the monitor and saying "Sorry this is no longer a viable pregnancy". I know my moment of emptiness has ended, but please know you are in my thoughts and I wish and pray for the very best. I know today's post could be different for me and I want you all to know I have the deepest compassion for you all. Keep the faith and do not give up on your dream.

To my Future Child: Well it has truly started our journey, our hearts will now and forever be in synch. I love you even more after seeing that little heart beat today, I never thought I could love you more. As a friend said today "It all begins with a heartbeat" and today I am confident about being your Mom and confident that you will be my child.