Vacation, Birthday, and Appointments.. OH MY!!!

It has been a while since I have blogged. I have been on vacation, had another ultrasound, and a birthday since my last post.

I am 9 weeks and 2 days and enjoying being pregnant. I have not had any real sickness, I feel truly blessed. Only time I am every feeling sick is when I do not eat on time or eat enough. I do tire MUCH faster but I can handle that.

So I went to Hawaii for a week and had a very relaxing time. I literally did nothing attached to the computer except to pay bills. So that is one reason I have not blogged. I really enjoyed the time off. Away from work and the real world.  The only down fall was the plane ride and the fact that I wasn't really up for doing too much. But still had a great time. I tried to not complain but some days I felt down (physically) but kept on trying to move. All is all Hawaii was great and so glad I got away.

I came home to have 2 doc appointments on Wednesday and Thursday. My sister went with me to my appointment where I had another ultrasound and needless to say my sister was an hysterical crying mess. LOL. She was may more emotional than me. She was so happy to see my little one, I was too but she cried and cried. I do feel so very loved by my family and friends they are showing me so much support it is unreal some days. Thursdays appt was at my OB office with the OB coordinator. Very informative appointment. They told me all I should expect. Since I am 35 I have to go to 2 special appointments to specialist to check out my baby. Looking forward to seeing her (yes I said her.. wishful thinking) as much as I can. I do plan to have some genetic testing and such. I want to know as much as possible so I can be as prepared as I can.

Friday comes and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! I turned 35, I am pregnant, I got a promotion at work when I came back from vacay, and I am completely overjoyed with my life right now. I tell you God has truly given me some great gifts this year and it is so overwhelming some days. But I am being thankful and taking it all in. Went and had a great massage and had a great dinner with CD on my birthday. And then came Saturday. CD along with the tremendous help of DM gave me a surprise Casino Birthday party! How awesome is that! I tell you I am SOO blessed. I have some really great friends and family. Some days I can't believe this is my life. CD has truly been a God send to my life. I am not sure if he knows how much his friendship and compassion means to me. This is a very tricky situation, but I think we both are handling it well. I never wanted to force my life on him and I think he respects that. But his friendship is invaluable to me.  Also my family and close friends have been so awesome as well. When I started this process I thought I would feel lonely as a single mom by choice, but I do not. And I am rejoicing in that feeling right now. When most women get pregnant they usually have a spouse or boyfriend who is just as excited as the expected mom about the new baby. But I can honestly say I have like 10 people.. LOL How great is that!!!

Time seems to be flying and I am enjoying my pregnancy. I got a letter today from my OB office about my financial obligations, which caught me a little off guard. I was not expecting it, I tell you these insurance policies and doctors offices are a piece of work. But I will not complain, I will deal because my financial obligations thus far have been minimal compared to other women going through this so sucking it up now.. :-).

I have 2 more weeks before I make my grand announcement and I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I did tell one of my friends and for the first time I got that silence that I have not gotten yet but have been expecting. She seemed very shocked and had lots of questions about how I am going to tell my child, etc. I handled it well, but no one else I told had that reaction, they were just happy, so it was good practice for what is to come.

To my Future Child: You have been such a good baby thus far in my belly. Not causing me any trouble :-). I think we are going to get along great, you understand me already. I will tell you, you are one lucky little baby. You have so many people who love you soooooo much already. You are going to be so overwhelmed with love that I do not even think you or I are going to be ready for all of it. Your Nanny, Aunties, Uncle, Future Godparents, Cousins, and play Aunts and Uncles are so overjoyed that you are coming. I can't wait for you too meet this rowdy bunch :-) they are a hoot and going to keep you laughing! There will be days you may be confused but you have all of us to pick up the piece, just lean on us and we will make sure you are alright! We have your back! Love you bunches already and you are only about an inch big :-D!

Releived!!!

How do you describe relief... seeing your baby's heart beat for the first time.

This morning I was a complete wreck as I prepared for my doc appt. As you have read I had bleeding on Sunday, and I was ok with that. I felt as the nurse who called me said, it happens to a lot of women and I should be ok. I have spoken to some friends and family whom have had children and most of them experienced bleeding, so I was good.  Well this morning, reality set in and I realized that I may not have a viable pregnancy.

My optimistic thoughts went right out of the window and I went straight into meltdown mode. I started not to tell anyone, because I did NOT want to hear, "Don't stress, don't be negative, Stop worrying, etc." I wanted someone to understand that this was a feeling of the moment and I would be ok eventually, whatever the reason. But of course I wanted support and I got the things I didn't want to hear. But one of my friends who has 2 little girls. She understood me, she made me feel I was not crazy or a negative Nelly, but a concerned Mom. THANK YOU TW, I appreciate that so much.

I love all my friends but when they are going through, I try to never make them feel their feelings are not valid. But sometimes I feel the expectation is so much higher for me. I am suppose to suck it up and never complain or think the worst.  Last I checked we all can think the worst, some more than others. Including me. I am a realist and usually I internalize the unknown and think of all the what ifs, negative and positive. It is amazing how when you have a negative thought, the million positive thoughts you had goes right out the window and are so easily forgotten.  I am probably guilty of also doing this, so if I have I apologize.

Ok enough of that, onto the blessing of the day. CD meet me at my appointment, which I appreciated. He got mistaken for my husband a few times, but took it in stride.  I try to correct people, because I don't want him to "feel some kind of way" about it. The doctor comes into the office and he was awesome, I told him about the previous bleeding, so he got right to it.  And there it was.. My Little Baby!!! OMG, did you read that.. MY BABY!!!!



Isn't She/He Lovely

 Heart was beating strong 115BPM, growing strong and healthy. I am measuring a little over my actual weeks, but the doctor said that was great. CD gave me the most endearing touch on my arm when everything was ok, and that really calmed me. Not sure he knows how special that was to me. I am overjoyed and feeling so blessed. 

My heart and prayers go out to my fellow choice moms  and all moms whom are trying to conceive and been facing challenges and lose. I felt so empty today, just thinking of the doctor turning the monitor and saying "Sorry this is no longer a viable pregnancy". I know my moment of emptiness has ended, but please know you are in my thoughts and I wish and pray for the very best. I know today's post could be different for me and I want you all to know I have the deepest compassion for you all. Keep the faith and do not give up on your dream.

To my Future Child: Well it has truly started our journey, our hearts will now and forever be in synch. I love you even more after seeing that little heart beat today, I never thought I could love you more. As a friend said today "It all begins with a heartbeat" and today I am confident about being your Mom and confident that you will be my child.

6 Weeks and 1 Day.. But uhhh ohhhh?!?!?!

Those who know I am pregnant have been asking me have I had any morning sickness, but no I have not had much.  At least I have not had anything horrible like I have heard from family and friends. I do have tender breast, some back pain, LOTS of irritability, Lots of pottying especially at night, and if I wait to long to eat, I feel nauseous.

So today makes 6 weeks and one day. So excited and overjoyed about being pregnant. And I am also pregnant with one of my closest friends and cousin! She is about 5 months ahead of me. But it is exciting!!!

Well here comes the uhhh ohhhh. I woke up this morning and realized that sometime overnight I had done some spotting/bleeding.  No more since then (prayers going up). Didn't know it happened until I looked down, while I was talking to my sister on the phone, and there it was in my clothes. It was not so heavy that it got in my bed. But it worried me a lot. The most ironic thing is, just before I called my sister and went to use the bathroom.  I read my daily message "via babycenter on my phone, yes there is an app for that.. LOL" and it spoke about bleeding during pregnancy.  I had been looking everyday to see if I had any an when the message started to talk about bleeding I was like I don't need this no bleeding for me.. GOOOO! But little did I know it had happened, dang on it. So me and my sister called my mom who was with 2 of my sisters and aunt. So we talked for hours and they took my mind off things.  I did call the doctor to tell them and see what they say, no call back yet.

My back has been hurting, like how I felt the day before I found out I was prego.  I will not sit here and say this is not on my mind, but I am trying VERY hard to not be overly stressed, but take it in stride. I hear a lot of women have spotting/bleeding and have a very normal pregnancy. SO that is what I am claiming.  Just my body going through some changes but my baby is A OK!

I have been positive thus far, not trying to dwell on all the bad things that could happen and enjoy it. So I am going to work very hard to keep up with the same attitude. Prayer is helping.. LOL

What to say?!?!?

As you have all read or heard from me, I am expecting.  I am super excited about this chapter of my life. As of Saturday I have already hit 5 weeks prego.  Still a very critical and scary time.  But I am taking it one day at a time. Take every day as it comes.  I want to enjoy each day of this journey without too much worrying about what can happen. While I am not naive to all that can happen, I am working really hard to not allow all those things over shadow the joy I am feeling.  I am still in shock, but also overjoyed.  I cannot wait until the 6th to see my lil button.

As time passes I do begin to think about the questions I will get. So I am posing a question to you all to weigh in on. As you are also probably aware of, I am very secure if my decision to become a choice mom. There will be days when I wished I had a spouse to share this with, but this way is ideal for me and I am all in. Even though I do not intend to officially announce my pregnancy for a little while, what do you say when you announce your pregnancy?

Like what is too much, what is too little, when is too soon, etc? What is anyone business really?

I am mostly concerned about when I finally decide to tell my manager and my employees. They all know I am not married, so how do you give the announcement? I do have some VERY nosey employees, and I know they will chatter. I also have some VERY nosey friends and associates, whom I know for a fact will ask a shitload of questions. Just seeking a little advice on what is enough and what is too much when announcing my pregnancy.

In my mind, this is private and I would never ask people any information they did not offer, especially initially.  But I know folks.. So SOS.

This is REAL.. Beta #2

Another blood test today, and my numbers have doubled.  Today's Beta # was 497.8. They say my numbers are great, this is too exciting!


Everyone at the office is SUPER, I am going to miss them when they release me to my OB. I am so grateful for all they have done from me. Just the constant positive attitudes have made this process so awesome and it has been invaluable to me and my family.  Everyone just smiles so big when I get off the elevator, it is surely a welcome to have such great customer service. Even though I never thought I would have to take this path, I am truly blessed at how smooth things have gone.  God must have carved this path just for me, and I will embrace it everyday!


I have an ultrasound in 2 weeks, I cannot wait to see the lil pea :-).  It is so awesome to have such an early image of my little one. WOW, my little one.  How I have prayed for the day when I would be able to say my little one.  Not anyone else's but MINE.  Words really cannot express the gratitude I feel, to have been entrusted with this wonderful miracle called motherhood.  I know I have a LONG way to go with my pregnancy, but today, right now I am feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.


Please all join me in prayers of a healthy, full term pregnancy. And a healthy, happy bundle of joy!


To my Future Child: Can you believe we are really united. Like the old song "Reunited and it feeels sooo good", we are not reunited, but united (you get the point... lol). As I have said above I feel so privileged and honored that God picked me to be your Mom. I can't wait to meet you in 240+ days!

WOWWWW .. Beta #1

When I walked into the doctor's office today, all the ladies at the front desk looked at me and just smiled, as if they knew. One of the ladies, I have gotten friendly with says "where is your cheering section, they are a hoot". LOL I figured I could handle this appointment on my own, so it was just me.

So as I wait, this MARRIED man is getting a little too friendly with me.  After he tells me his wife sent him there (which I assumed was to give a specimen). Really guy, Hello was enough but all this conversation is NOT cool. But I was nice and entertained his conversation for a very short while.

I go to the back and before sitting I told the lady, it is very hard to get blood from me. So she immediately got another nurse.  Thank God, cause I cannot handle all the probing.  So while I wait for the nurse to come, I see a familiar face. OMG it was the lady who used to groom my dog.  She just kind of fell off the face of the earth, but there she was.  I was so excited, we hugged.  She told me she was burnt out and had to give it up (my dog's haircuts have not been the same since she groomed him). We chatted for a while, she asked why was I there, I said to have a baby. She said ME TOO. So she gave me her number, I will have to call her to share stories and to hopefully get Chico a good cut (she said she does groom a few from home).

So the nurse comes and of course the first stick did not take.  She had to go to the other arm.. YEAH! She said, whoever gives you your IV when you go into labor needs to be sent up for Sainthood, LOL. They said see ya, and we will call in a few hours.

They called at 11:08am and I AM REALLY PREGNANT! She said my Beta is 209 and my progesterone was 26, whatever that means.  All I know is I am really pregnant! She said the number were great! I have to go back on Wednesday for a repeat test and then 2 weeks after an ultrasound.

OH HAPPY DAY!  P.S. Still in shock!!!!

It Really Happened!



No Denying This!





Had to see the words and there they are! Clear as day!

BFP!!!! I have no words for really How I am feeling. I think I am still in shock. I am so excited to go on this journey. This has truly been one of the best weekends of my life. I NEVER thought I would see those words on a test I took.  Maybe someone else's test but not mine.  I have been wanting this for so long, so it is pretty surreal.

My message to all my fellow Choice Moms, keep believing! It will happen for you, whether insemination, IVF, adoption, known donor, anonymous donor, it will happen. Just KEEP believing and taking control of your choice.

To My Future Child:  I knew we would connect one day, but it is so amazing to know that you are starting to grow in my belly and we will meet in ~252 days. I will be responsible with my actions as I carry you and can't wait to meet you. I have been leaving little messages for you, but now to know you are actually being formed is amazing. Know that everyday I prayed for you, and even though our lives will not be like what others may have; you have a great family that will show you lots of love and they are so excited to meet you. They are already trying to plan a shower, they need to hold on a minute. LOL.