Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Round of Applause!!!

I want to give a round of applause to all my Choice Mom and all Moms out there!!!!

Happy Mother's Day.  As I reflect on my very first mother's day, I am filled with joy.  I was strong enough to make the decision to become Kendall's mom on my own terms.  I am very proud of myself and proud of all the other Choice Moms out there. 

Being raised by a single mom, I know the job was hard, but never understood the magnitude until I became a Single Mom.   Not a day goes by that I do not thank God for giving me such a wonderful blessing, but it is very hard work doing it alone.  I would not change my decision for anything, but I am human and some days I look around and wish there was someone around to help me.  I have to do everything.  Not sure a lot of people get that, we do it ALL.  And it makes me very proud to be apart of a community of such strong women. 

I cannot sit here and say I do not wish I had a husband who could make sure today was special, because that would be a lie.  I do wish I had that.  But that is not my story, so I keep on persevering. Thanks to two of my great friends DM and TW, my Mother's day was all I needed it to be; Great. They both showed me a lot of love and made sure I felt special.  So for that I am truly thankful to have friends who love me and Kendall so much. 

So to all the other Moms out there Happy Mother's Day and if no one told you today; I am very proud of the Mother you are and your children are fortunate to have you.  Take Care, enjoy no matter the situation and love those who love you!

To KC: Because of you, I can celebrate today and I thank you.  I dreamed of this day for a very long time. This is the first of many mother's days we will share together and I will always be honored and proud to be your Mom and call you my daughter! Love you!

Happy Mother's Day, Love Kendall

Our Mother's Day Self Portrait :-)

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Introducing Kendall Marie... 2 months late :-/

I cannot believe I have been away for over 2 months.  Life has been completely different.  I have been putting all my attention on my precious angel.  Well I have so missed all my fellow blog moms and reading about the changes in their lives and their bundles of joy.  I am going to try to and do better at blogging.  I am just trying to enjoy every minute of my little angel before I go back to work at the end of the month.

Well I would like to officially introduce my daughter Kendall Marie.  She was born as scheduled on February 17, 2012 @ 10:51 am via c-section. She was a little one 5lbs 10 ozs and 19 inches long.  My delivery was smooth, I unexpectedly calm.  Everyone treated me sooooo well in the hospital.  I had a great stay.  I had to stay 2 extra days in the hospital because after giving birth my blood pressure was out of control. I cried when it was time to leave the hospital.  I had so much anxiety that it was all on me now, no more nurses and doctors to check our vitals and make sure we were alright.  It was all on me.. OMG.. I was freaking out.  I felt so inadequate and unprepared.  But did very well.  I also felt that same anxiety the first night Kendall and I was alone. But again we made it. :-) 

Just arrived
Few hours and I am sleeping so peacefully

Our first days were rough, but I still was extremely happy to be Kendall's Mom.  I did have some days were I felt soooo lonely and wondered had I made the wrong choice; by choosing to have her alone.  But then I would look into her eyes or watch her sleep and know that she was the best decision I had ever made. Every day is an adventure with many highs and lows.  But all in all I am truly blessed to have such a precious healthy baby.  Baby K is such a animated baby, she has so many faces and expressions and it just warms my heart.  As a new mom it has been a true transition and I am learning how to adjust everyday. I never thought I would deal with depression, but like most women I had many days where I was depressed and weepy.  Those first 3 weeks were HARD, and I questioned if I could make it through.  I was also very disappointed that all the people I thought would be there more were not, and the people I didn't expect to be there were.  It was very hard for me to know that the people I wanted there were not present, but again I made it through and work on that feeling of abandonment everyday.  I know there is a lesson to be learned in all we experience, so I am accepting the lesson and learning from it. 

Breastfeeding made me feel so close to her, but it made it hard because she was up like every hour wanting to nurse. But hey we made it through and it made me stronger.  I was not able to breastfeed as long as I desired because I was not producing enough milk, I stuck it out for 7 weeks.She is not on formula (which was hell trying to find one that agreed with her) and sleeping through the night.  I have so much anxiety that one day she is going to change on me and not sleep through the night anymore. I know I need to just relax and be secure in the job I am doing, but I am so nervous that she is one day going to go back to being up all night.  So far she has slept through the night consistently for 2 + weeks.  The day of her 2 months I started with a nighttime routine (after push from the doctor) and put her in her crib.  She was sleeping in her bassinet in my room. I was so afraid that she would need me and I would be so far away.  But to my surprise she sleeps perfectly fine in her crib and sleeps all night long.  I was so shocked at how "easy" it was to get over it.  But I did and I think we are both better for it.  I have learned so much about motherhood that is is not funny.  I love sharing my experiences with friends who have new babies.  I feel like Kendall came to teach me something and so I can help others. 

She is such a happy baby talks/coos all day long, BUT she does NOT play when it is time to eat or go to sleep.  She makes it know what she wants.  She LOVES to eat and she was so small that it shocked me but she loves her milk :-). The doctor encouraged me to feed her less because she was gaining weight to fast (which I felt was a little crazy being she was so small) but then figured I guess they know better than me. So I listened, it has been hard because she wants more, but i am sticking with it. 

I pray everyday that my little baby stays healthy and happy.  She brings my family so much joy!

Here are a few pics from Kendall's first months:
In the hospital
So relaxed!!!
Tummy Time
Mommy that was funny!
Hey Good Looking!

Me and my Angel!
What you say?!?!
That Taste good!


Kendall and my niece.. We all love her!!!
To Kendall: Words cannot describe how much you mean to me... You are my joy. Every day will not be easy for us, but it will be worth while.  There is a lesson to be learned by all experiences and I pray that you embrace them all. As I have learned after having you those closest to you will sometimes disappoint you, but love them anyway. It all makes you stronger. I am so happy to have you in my life and look forward to the journey together! You can always count on me no matter what, just know that Mommy is there for you.   Even when we do not agree and you make a mistake, I am here to help you understand the ways of the world. Welcome to the world and here's to a LONG life!