Monday, July 25, 2011

Vacation, Birthday, and Appointments.. OH MY!!!

It has been a while since I have blogged. I have been on vacation, had another ultrasound, and a birthday since my last post.

I am 9 weeks and 2 days and enjoying being pregnant. I have not had any real sickness, I feel truly blessed. Only time I am every feeling sick is when I do not eat on time or eat enough. I do tire MUCH faster but I can handle that.

So I went to Hawaii for a week and had a very relaxing time. I literally did nothing attached to the computer except to pay bills. So that is one reason I have not blogged. I really enjoyed the time off. Away from work and the real world.  The only down fall was the plane ride and the fact that I wasn't really up for doing too much. But still had a great time. I tried to not complain but some days I felt down (physically) but kept on trying to move. All is all Hawaii was great and so glad I got away.

I came home to have 2 doc appointments on Wednesday and Thursday. My sister went with me to my appointment where I had another ultrasound and needless to say my sister was an hysterical crying mess. LOL. She was may more emotional than me. She was so happy to see my little one, I was too but she cried and cried. I do feel so very loved by my family and friends they are showing me so much support it is unreal some days. Thursdays appt was at my OB office with the OB coordinator. Very informative appointment. They told me all I should expect. Since I am 35 I have to go to 2 special appointments to specialist to check out my baby. Looking forward to seeing her (yes I said her.. wishful thinking) as much as I can. I do plan to have some genetic testing and such. I want to know as much as possible so I can be as prepared as I can.

Friday comes and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! I turned 35, I am pregnant, I got a promotion at work when I came back from vacay, and I am completely overjoyed with my life right now. I tell you God has truly given me some great gifts this year and it is so overwhelming some days. But I am being thankful and taking it all in. Went and had a great massage and had a great dinner with CD on my birthday. And then came Saturday. CD along with the tremendous help of DM gave me a surprise Casino Birthday party! How awesome is that! I tell you I am SOO blessed. I have some really great friends and family. Some days I can't believe this is my life. CD has truly been a God send to my life. I am not sure if he knows how much his friendship and compassion means to me. This is a very tricky situation, but I think we both are handling it well. I never wanted to force my life on him and I think he respects that. But his friendship is invaluable to me.  Also my family and close friends have been so awesome as well. When I started this process I thought I would feel lonely as a single mom by choice, but I do not. And I am rejoicing in that feeling right now. When most women get pregnant they usually have a spouse or boyfriend who is just as excited as the expected mom about the new baby. But I can honestly say I have like 10 people.. LOL How great is that!!!

Time seems to be flying and I am enjoying my pregnancy. I got a letter today from my OB office about my financial obligations, which caught me a little off guard. I was not expecting it, I tell you these insurance policies and doctors offices are a piece of work. But I will not complain, I will deal because my financial obligations thus far have been minimal compared to other women going through this so sucking it up now.. :-).

I have 2 more weeks before I make my grand announcement and I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I did tell one of my friends and for the first time I got that silence that I have not gotten yet but have been expecting. She seemed very shocked and had lots of questions about how I am going to tell my child, etc. I handled it well, but no one else I told had that reaction, they were just happy, so it was good practice for what is to come.

To my Future Child: You have been such a good baby thus far in my belly. Not causing me any trouble :-). I think we are going to get along great, you understand me already. I will tell you, you are one lucky little baby. You have so many people who love you soooooo much already. You are going to be so overwhelmed with love that I do not even think you or I are going to be ready for all of it. Your Nanny, Aunties, Uncle, Future Godparents, Cousins, and play Aunts and Uncles are so overjoyed that you are coming. I can't wait for you too meet this rowdy bunch :-) they are a hoot and going to keep you laughing! There will be days you may be confused but you have all of us to pick up the piece, just lean on us and we will make sure you are alright! We have your back! Love you bunches already and you are only about an inch big :-D!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


How do you describe relief... seeing your baby's heart beat for the first time.

This morning I was a complete wreck as I prepared for my doc appt. As you have read I had bleeding on Sunday, and I was ok with that. I felt as the nurse who called me said, it happens to a lot of women and I should be ok. I have spoken to some friends and family whom have had children and most of them experienced bleeding, so I was good.  Well this morning, reality set in and I realized that I may not have a viable pregnancy.

My optimistic thoughts went right out of the window and I went straight into meltdown mode. I started not to tell anyone, because I did NOT want to hear, "Don't stress, don't be negative, Stop worrying, etc." I wanted someone to understand that this was a feeling of the moment and I would be ok eventually, whatever the reason. But of course I wanted support and I got the things I didn't want to hear. But one of my friends who has 2 little girls. She understood me, she made me feel I was not crazy or a negative Nelly, but a concerned Mom. THANK YOU TW, I appreciate that so much.

I love all my friends but when they are going through, I try to never make them feel their feelings are not valid. But sometimes I feel the expectation is so much higher for me. I am suppose to suck it up and never complain or think the worst.  Last I checked we all can think the worst, some more than others. Including me. I am a realist and usually I internalize the unknown and think of all the what ifs, negative and positive. It is amazing how when you have a negative thought, the million positive thoughts you had goes right out the window and are so easily forgotten.  I am probably guilty of also doing this, so if I have I apologize.

Ok enough of that, onto the blessing of the day. CD meet me at my appointment, which I appreciated. He got mistaken for my husband a few times, but took it in stride.  I try to correct people, because I don't want him to "feel some kind of way" about it. The doctor comes into the office and he was awesome, I told him about the previous bleeding, so he got right to it.  And there it was.. My Little Baby!!! OMG, did you read that.. MY BABY!!!!

Isn't She/He Lovely
 Heart was beating strong 115BPM, growing strong and healthy. I am measuring a little over my actual weeks, but the doctor said that was great. CD gave me the most endearing touch on my arm when everything was ok, and that really calmed me. Not sure he knows how special that was to me. I am overjoyed and feeling so blessed. 

My heart and prayers go out to my fellow choice moms  and all moms whom are trying to conceive and been facing challenges and lose. I felt so empty today, just thinking of the doctor turning the monitor and saying "Sorry this is no longer a viable pregnancy". I know my moment of emptiness has ended, but please know you are in my thoughts and I wish and pray for the very best. I know today's post could be different for me and I want you all to know I have the deepest compassion for you all. Keep the faith and do not give up on your dream.

To my Future Child: Well it has truly started our journey, our hearts will now and forever be in synch. I love you even more after seeing that little heart beat today, I never thought I could love you more. As a friend said today "It all begins with a heartbeat" and today I am confident about being your Mom and confident that you will be my child.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

6 Weeks and 1 Day.. But uhhh ohhhh?!?!?!

Those who know I am pregnant have been asking me have I had any morning sickness, but no I have not had much.  At least I have not had anything horrible like I have heard from family and friends. I do have tender breast, some back pain, LOTS of irritability, Lots of pottying especially at night, and if I wait to long to eat, I feel nauseous.

So today makes 6 weeks and one day. So excited and overjoyed about being pregnant. And I am also pregnant with one of my closest friends and cousin! She is about 5 months ahead of me. But it is exciting!!!

Well here comes the uhhh ohhhh. I woke up this morning and realized that sometime overnight I had done some spotting/bleeding.  No more since then (prayers going up). Didn't know it happened until I looked down, while I was talking to my sister on the phone, and there it was in my clothes. It was not so heavy that it got in my bed. But it worried me a lot. The most ironic thing is, just before I called my sister and went to use the bathroom.  I read my daily message "via babycenter on my phone, yes there is an app for that.. LOL" and it spoke about bleeding during pregnancy.  I had been looking everyday to see if I had any an when the message started to talk about bleeding I was like I don't need this no bleeding for me.. GOOOO! But little did I know it had happened, dang on it. So me and my sister called my mom who was with 2 of my sisters and aunt. So we talked for hours and they took my mind off things.  I did call the doctor to tell them and see what they say, no call back yet.

My back has been hurting, like how I felt the day before I found out I was prego.  I will not sit here and say this is not on my mind, but I am trying VERY hard to not be overly stressed, but take it in stride. I hear a lot of women have spotting/bleeding and have a very normal pregnancy. SO that is what I am claiming.  Just my body going through some changes but my baby is A OK!

I have been positive thus far, not trying to dwell on all the bad things that could happen and enjoy it. So I am going to work very hard to keep up with the same attitude. Prayer is helping.. LOL