Mood today is BLAH! I have not retested, planned to this morning. BUT I had to go so bad, I couldn't get the test out in time, I was like DANG.. lol . So I will try tomorrow, if my cycle doesn't start.
Speaking of cycle, that is why I am BLAH. I am having those "my period is about to start" feelings, and I am sadder than I thought I would be. I know there is always still a chance, since I have not tested, but you know how it is (well for some of you, you have no clue). There are some feelings as women we know, and I know this one. I am PRAYING really hard that maybe it is not and I can still be pregnant.
I think the people in my life think it is easy to keep going through this over and over again. NOT. It is emotionally taxing and not to mention a little painful. I have been wanting this for 10 year at least and continuously going through this process will not make be want it or appreciate it even more. I would like to defy odds for a change and not have to FIGHT so hard for a change. It seems like I have to fight for everything I get, why can't it just be easy sometimes???
The waiting is agony, the process is agony, the cost for donor sperm is agony, the hoping is agony, the optimism is agony, reading about so many failed attempts is agony, knowing that is so easy for people who do not deserve or want kids is agony, and the list could go on.
So trying not to let this BLAH take over me or my day, because there could still be a blessing growing inside. Maybe once I go outside to the birthday party for the company I work for it will cheer me up. It has been 100 years and it feels good to be apart of a legacy. I am still full from all the volunteering I did yesterday in honor of the Centennial. So I am going to try really really hard to "shake it off"!
PRAYING and HOPING for the best.. Will you join me?
I will pray and hope with you. It's not over until it's over!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you're saying about the agony of all of this. But you have such a great attitude, I don't see how this WON'T work for you. Even if it's not this time, I know you'll be a mom. :)
Thank you so much! You always say the perfect things :-)
ReplyDeleteAs people told me, and they were so right, the first 2ww is the worst. I'm in my second and am surprised by how much I'm taking it in stride - it does get easier (the first one was pure hell for me). If you decide to try mini IVF let me know, I am planning on pursuing it if this IUI doesn't work.
ReplyDeleteHell is an understatement.. LOL
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