As you have all read or heard from me, I am expecting. I am super excited about this chapter of my life. As of Saturday I have already hit 5 weeks prego. Still a very critical and scary time. But I am taking it one day at a time. Take every day as it comes. I want to enjoy each day of this journey without too much worrying about what can happen. While I am not naive to all that can happen, I am working really hard to not allow all those things over shadow the joy I am feeling. I am still in shock, but also overjoyed. I cannot wait until the 6th to see my lil button.
As time passes I do begin to think about the questions I will get. So I am posing a question to you all to weigh in on. As you are also probably aware of, I am very secure if my decision to become a choice mom. There will be days when I wished I had a spouse to share this with, but this way is ideal for me and I am all in. Even though I do not intend to officially announce my pregnancy for a little while, what do you say when you announce your pregnancy?
Like what is too much, what is too little, when is too soon, etc? What is anyone business really?
I am mostly concerned about when I finally decide to tell my manager and my employees. They all know I am not married, so how do you give the announcement? I do have some VERY nosey employees, and I know they will chatter. I also have some VERY nosey friends and associates, whom I know for a fact will ask a shitload of questions. Just seeking a little advice on what is enough and what is too much when announcing my pregnancy.
In my mind, this is private and I would never ask people any information they did not offer, especially initially. But I know folks.. So SOS.
I started telling people right away. I couldn't keep it to myself. I was also very open about trying to get pregnant on my own, so most of the people in my life knew I had been trying on my own so they did ask the "who's the daddy?" questions. When I tell people I don't know I don't volunteer the information, but if we start to talk about it I simply say "I'm doing this on my own" If they have further questions I'm honest with them, and explain why I did it on my own, and how I went about it. I'm hoping that if I'm comfortable talking about it now, I'll be comfortable talking about it with my child. I also didn't want it to be something that was secret, like it was shameful. I forget sometimes that not everyone knew I was trying, and I've got some intersting responses as most people know I'm not seeing anyone, but for the most part people have been respectful. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI agonized about how to tell family, and ultimately said something along the lines of, "I'm thrilled to announce that, with the help of my doctor and an anonymous donor, I am 15 weeks pregnant!"
ReplyDeleteI figured it gave the information succintly and prevented gossip and wondering, while also greatly limiting the amount of info I needed to share. And it made it very clear that this was wanted and planned and NOT an accident.
I got nothing but 100% positive feedback, even from conservative folks.
Also, I did a mass email so that I didn't have to deal with awkward silences. I figured folks could follow up with me afterwards if they had questions. I don't think anyone did.
HTH!
Sooooo very excited for you!!! I cannot wait to follow your journey!
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I think telling, how you tell, when you tell, how much you tell totally depends on you and your personality, what you do for a living and your support system.
As a pediatric dentist I had to say something before I decided to try as I am a partner in a practice, so scheduling my appointments could have been an absolute nightmare, so plenty of notice needed to be given to make sure my patient schedule was not interrupted if that makes sense. Also, in an office of 28 people (4 docs, 24 staff), we're all 'close.' They were soooo excited for me. My friends and family were completely on board and they knew the truth from the get-go. And everyone adores my known donor.
I am also 110% completely honest with anyone, even strangers who dare mention where is Tate's father, about how I got pregnant. I simply say most of the time 'he's a donor baby.' Stop any and all questions from negative people and you'd be surprised by how many people, men and women want to know how I did it, so they can tell their sister, friend, cousin who is also considering choice motherhood.
Also as a fellow African American it was imperative to me that it was never perceived that I got pregnant by some guy who was no longer around. I have more cousins than I can count, and my sister's son is the first legitimate child in our generation of cousins. All the rest are single parents not by choice with multiple fathers of their children. I know it's a stereotype, but I definitely did not want to be lumped in with that lifestyle. Are my feelings wrong? Maybe. But it's how I feel, so I was more than willing to share how I became pregnant lest people stereotype me as just another black chick knocked up and left by a black man.
I don't know how much that helps, but I hope you understand where I'm coming from!!
5 weeks!!! Yippee!! Only 35 more to go!!! Gosh I miss being pregnant!! :)
My family, friends and coworkers already knew what I was doing, so it was easy to tell them the good news. As for everyone else, I just said something like, "I'm so excited to share the good news - I'm pregnant!" I did tell people the truth, that I had gone to a doctor to help me get pregnant, if they asked, but most people didn't, and were genuinely happy for me, since I was so obviously happy.
ReplyDeleteIt was pretty amazing, the number of older women, who were so enthusiastically supportive, and how many of them said they wished they'd been able to do the SMC route when they were younger!
Thanks for all the advice ladies! All great feedback.
ReplyDeleteThis is rather exciting to have this type of question to think about. :-)
I never got pregnant, but would have said something like "I've decided to become a mother on my own, and I'm excited to announce I'm expecting." of course this is all in theory!
ReplyDeleteThis weekend was my grandparents' 65th wedding anniversary, and we found out at the same time that my young cousin got his girlfriend pregnant last fall. Now every single one of their great grandchildren was conceived out of wedlock, so it isn't just the AA community where this happens! I'm starting the adoption process now and my actually prefer a child of a difference race so it's obvious I adopted and didn't "goof" with a guy who's gone.